November 15, 2003.

Stayed up till 2am last night (which, with the two hour time difference that we’ve still not adjusted to IS a big deal), and talked to Jennie. Despite girlfriends and partners and distance and time, Jennie continues to be, quite possibly, the person I communicate with best. There’s something in our heads that keeps us connected, and there’s never any re-connection time required.

Not that I’m saying we’re anything LIKE in the same place – but we’re dealing with a lot of the same problems right now – about what our responsibility is to the world and how to fulfill it. Thoughts on children and family.

She’s teaching high school – which is quite possibly the most important thing there is to be done right now. In elementary and middle school, you can instill good habits, and watch these habits and thoughts get torn apart later in Life… or in college, you can watch the cynical with their formed ideas – and the ones you REALLY need to reach never get to college anyways….

But high school is a cusp – a turning point for a lot of kids. There is an awakening right there, I know there was for me. And especially with Jennie and other young teachers, there is not so much of an age disconnect yet. Teachers that manage to keep that connexion later in Life, whether because of their own failing energy or because of the down-trodden bitterness that hooks into them after a couple of years of seeing so many efforts fail – teachers that manage to keep that connexion are rare… few and far between. God knows I couldn’t handle it.

I plan to perhaps go back to school some day for my Masters, and perhaps go back and teach. I’m worried that with my Trip I’m aiming in the wrong place. Do college students care? Or am I missing the right people all togerher.

Jennie and I are arrogant. Arrogant to an extreme.

We’ve maybe mellowed over the last 10 years, but we both believe that we are smart and creative, maybe even “better than average” (except her trouble with staying UP late! – she’s collapsed on the couch and does NOT look happy) – and what is our responsibility there?

Is it a realistic statement to think that we’ve got good genes to pass along? Is it our responsibility to make sure that there’s other kids that contain that stock? I don’t know, it seems that sex is the popular recreation for the kids nowadays, and that the people having children are the ones least capable of dealing with them, taking care of them… I remember thinking about this when I ran across one of my students in the grocery store, buying diapers for their new baby.

This child, at 17, had a kid. In most cases, that’s it – game over for that 17 year-old. It will be a subsistance level existance for them for evermore – which dooms their kid to the same – which dooms their grandkid to the same – it creates a cycle of failure that is VERY hard to escape. That 17-year-old mother has effectively sat their child down and told them “because of MY decisions, you can be NOTHING, and you’re kids will be nothing, and your kids’ kids will be nothing”… Sure, there are poster children of broken homes – the great success stories… but there are a LOT more success stories that are never told on television because they’re kind of boring – i.e. – “I had two parents, I went to school, I didn’t get hooked on drugs (alcohol included), I didn’t get pregnant, I got a job, and support myself well”.

So, Jennie and I – we have teacher inclinations. We’re storytellers and we give a damn about the world. But do we raise our own kids? Or do we spend our time trying to correct the overwhelming and massively numerous mistakes and failings of others? In the couple of months of teaching high school, I know I effected a change in 3 children, at least. I opened the door to change for a dozen more – with a child of my own, I can perhaps work on them for 20 years – and still fail.

I don’t know, I’ve probably just offended about a billion of you just now. Sigh.

Adam sent me a text-message last night in the middle of this lengthy soul-searching with Jennie. And that’s what it’s all about, right? In a world in instantaneous communication, if I’m thinking about someone, I should let them know. Don’t let it go – there is no excuse anymore for that age-old regret of “I haven’t talked to him in years, I should really just call him… someday”… I was tired and vulnerable and almost cried while reading the message to Jennie.

That’s what it should be all about. No-one forgotten.

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Hrm, open thoughts – Amy just sent me a beautiful email… I’ve just written too much to respond just at the moment… I still plan to do website stuff for YOU!! The cats are hunting leaves… Heather is tapping at her laptop… I feel bad because I’ve dragged Heather half-way across the country, and we’ve got nothing to do for Thanksgiving. Last year, Amy and I spent Thanksgiving together, with a smattering of other friends, coming and going. It was the best I’d ever had. Just before leaving for Pittsburg, we had a grand gathering at Amy’s. She is about 7/10ths of HOME right now.

Ha, that and Jason’s cooking. Mew. I think I may be a little bit homesick. Especially after my Dad emailed me a lengthy blurb displaying his knowledge of what exactly a Zentraedi Officer’s Pod was. Good work!