So many crossing of people. Common Thread arrives and blows my mind. The Jozart open mic has even attracted Transcendent Third this week. It’s good to see everyone, hearing Bill’s honesty pushing through a microphone. He’s such a good writer.
I’m up and down – A good roller coaster of a time in California, though I’m distracted and mazed. Heather’s hateful of my moods and I know I can’t keep up my appropriate personas under this sort of internal pressure. I’m surrounded by liars and unquantifiable entities that I fall way short of comprehending, amusing or satisfying.
There’s such talent here, such sparkle – but the streets are alive with the drunks going home, and I think they might all fall to that, one by one. Creatures that claim to be different are only making noises. Everyone eventually seems to realize that that’s just the easiest path, and sometimes I can feel the temptation. What’s the only thing I bought for myself in Mexico, afterall? Tequila.
I guess it keeps us poor.
So, I’ll think about what I’ve done. And I’ll run it through my head over and over again and wish that when someone asked me what I was thinking I could honestly reply “nothing”. See my youth? See my sparkle? No – I’ve got none of those things, just lingering teenaged depressions, which are exactly the WRONG things to hold onto.
Still, makes for good music. “Drift” is going over well on stage… now if I can just get through it without making a fucking mess of the words! (and I’m messing up all the words for ALL the songs this week)
Exhaustion is settling in now, and I’m going to go experiment with that soft-spot on my neck that’s supposed to make me fall asleep…
(don’t worry, I’m kidding – silly rabbit, angst is for kids!)
have a homebase to take care of just yet. Ideal? Hah – buy a house and rent it out to college kids for a while till I’m ready to “come home”. Hrm. Who wants rob as a land lord?!?
California manages to remain one of my favourite places on Earth, and my thoughts of buying a house there still seem so tempting. But I know that though I’m getting to the point where I sometimes cry over packing my toothbrush, I’m not quite ready to
