Another excerpt from a letter:
I’m sort of assuming there’s a place in Hell waiting for whoever thought that Garfield 2: A Tale of Two Kitties was a good idea. Perhaps even Hell wouldn’t take that particular movie exec. Sweet mother of GOD though, something’s got to be done to punish this individual. I’m evil, I’m pretty creative – maybe I could go forth and make with the punishment for such heinous creatures. I mean, the amount of money spent on the CGI – we could be solving REAL problems here! You could probably halt all the shite movies in production and start a moon-base or something instead. Or wall in the Middle East. Or mass-produce a truly price-effective hybrid engine. Or Hell, just make giant robots! They’re ALWAYS cool. Almost anything would be a more worthwhile pursuit than Garfield 2: A Tale of 2 Kitties.
Let’s not even get me started on the trailers that we saw before Superman. I mean – oh my GOD do we really need more cheerleader movies? If I was in charge of the world, it would be a better place. There would also be a LOT of people walking around with huge red handprints on their faces. I wouldn’t be able to get around to all of them, but I would DEFINITELY have some legionnaires marching round with scrolls unrolled, knocking on doors, checking identification saying things like “Bill Murray? Yes. for your role in the perpetration of the foetid, stinking drivel known as ‘ Garfield : the Movie’, you are to be slapped.” And you’d be able to tell the TRUE offenders because they’d walk funny. “Please bend over for your punishment for your role in the creation of ‘ Garfield 2′”. Man, I’d have this world whipped (no pun intended) into shape in no time at all.
I need a better plan for world domination. This whole “form a cult” thing isn’t working too well. We could probably just about take over Greenbelt , and that’s only because the people in Greenbelt are so freakin’ relaxed. They’d be like “hey man. sure”.
I NEED giant robots.
Sigh.
THIS on the other hand – is freaking cool. LOOK OUT FOR THE LOOOOMINOUS GLOBES!!!
