Dreams of old days last night. A strange mix of old days. I dreamt I was in Maryland for segregation – all these signs separating everyone around me, making sure “coloreds” and “whites” were herded in separate directions. In my dream I came home to a log cabin-style house heated by a single huge iron stove the owner of which flew into a rage when he saw the newspapers I’d brought home – papers in favour of freeing slaves (mix of times, see?) and of equal rights.
I don’t remember much of it. We had a fight of some sort and I beat him with fire irons though not severely because they broke in my hands. He was furious that the “black made” irons broke so easily and I was furious that he was blaming the shoddy quality on the black makers rather than the fact that he’d bought as cheap as he could buy.
I had a co-inhabitant (?) boyfriend (?) son (?) still there as I informed the owner that I was moving out. I told him that that my partner (?) should be allowed to stay if he wanted to and that if any harm came to him that I’d be back to REALLY take care of things.
I woke up with scattered images that I tried to put together. The dream was far more detailed, signs scratched on brick in different colour crayon, codes scratched into the interior of the stove – it’s a shame that I can’t remember more. But most heavily there was a weight upon me as my brain chewed on the fact that I know a local business owner who I’ve heard tales of racist rants from. Though she’s never said anything directly in front of me, her co-workers bring home blatantly evil tales and quotes of her angrily complaining about blacks and hispanics and gays, saying some really disgusting things. It makes me wonder what my responsibility is. In my head it’s all hearsay until she goes off on one of these rants in front of me, even though I don’t really have much doubt of the veracity of these reports…
And then what do I do if I DO hear her say these things? Complain on the spot, fight back – probably won’t do much good but at least she’ll know that someone really doesn’t agree with her… and then afterwards? Do you write up reviews of the company? I don’t even know. In my cowardice I hope that it continues out of my own earshot so that I continue to be able to tell myself “Well, I’VE never heard her say anything like that…”
