June 11th, 2012.

Let’s discuss great drinks. The above Dragon from the Red Door in Portsmouth, NH was probably my favourite of all the fancy drinks we downed that night. The cayenne pepper across the top was amaaaazing and burned long after the drink was gone. Appropriately-named and absolutely delicious. Tonight I’m down with the cocktail.

I am in the process of compiling drafts of my half of the next ilyAIMY disc, getting things ready for further arrangements, harmonies and ensuing band practices. Picking band versions that feature all the little intricacies I love on nights when we got it just right. In hunting these recordings and videos, I get to do the “This Is Your Life” of my music past, present and future. I look at the songs and the writing and try to make connections about what they say about where I am in my music and in my life. What is the theme? How interesting that songwriters can write their own soundtrack, and have to listen back on it to sort themselves out.

I have about 9 songs I could see recording/releasing. Two folky ones that maybe I’ll do as fundraising recordings (“Waste” and “The Breathing Tree”), and the potential 5-7 songs for the new ilyAIMY disc:

1. “Even Now” – Live @ 12 Voices 49 West

2. “Pollock” – Live @ my apartment

3. “Oracle” – Live with ilyAIMY @ Teavolve

4. “Silent Little Bells” – Live with ilyAIMY @ Teavolve (FRESHLY UPLOADED!!!)

5. “Revolutions Per Minute” – Live with ilyAIMY @ Strathmore

6 & 7. “Didn’t Take It Down” & “Phantom” -Live @ Metro Gallery for The 9

Dan Blakeslee performing at Hush Hush Sweet Harlot at the Red Door in Portsmouth, NH. He’s sucha wonderfully bizarre and exquisitely fine performer. He’s a better man than I, about to go on a walking tour of Massachusetts. I bought a handkerchief off him and wished him well!

So, what do these songs have in common? Musically, a desire to push forward into unusual guitar parts and improve my skills. Thematically, I notice a couple things:

*Wandering around Portsmouth, NH we spotted this little hangout. Looks just about ideal to me.*

Holy crap … it’s a legit folk record. Less about “ME” than ever, but very telling about my mental state. Politics. Heavily veiled in metaphor, but present overtly in three songs, and a case could be made for a fourth. I wrestle with issues of power, control, armchair activism and women’s rights.

A theme always present in my songwriting is there again: Fear and Doubt. My songs, when personal, are often about exploring, confessing and working through my own fears. In “Pollock,” it’s the fear of losing my voice forever. In “Oracle,” it’s the fear of never achieving love or success. In “Silent Little Bells,” the fear of rumor and judgment. In “Even Now,” the fear of emotional pain. In “Revolutions Per Minute,” the fear of my fellow man.

*More art on the walls of Portsmouth, NH. Some of this stuff is just creepin’ me out. Good luck little guy!*

And a reclamation of power, because my songs are often aspirational. I WANT to be the way the character is at the END of the song, when whatever it is has been worked through. And whether I believe it or not. In “Oracle,” the speaker chooses to die honorably with the “kind and the powerless.” In “Revolutions Per Minute,” the character struggling with the world is pledging non-violence and an open mind. Even in the murder ballad, the woman seizes control of the situation and takes revenge. In “Even Now,” Eve is speaking back in defiance to God and all the men who take her for granted. In “Didn’t Take It Down,” the girl at the end shrugs her shoulders and accepts that she is not responsible for failing the relationship.

I am trying to be the girl at the end of my songs.