Ours is a job that you can’t fail at. Sort of. At least, until you decide to. If you’re an accountant or a school teacher or cash register operator or rocket scientist or any other number of things you can be fired or not hired or told you’re no good and it’s a pretty objective statement on whether or not you’re cut out for the work. Musicians and artists of all ilk are judged SUBJECTIVELY and not getting a gig or a show or an audience can be legitimized in the artist’s mind by any number of musicians and artists who simply weren’t understood in their own time or by a popular audience.
It’s hard to tell if you’re a renegade or a loser, and the line between the two is sometimes simply determined by perseverance.
But it’s an increasingly all-or-nothing gamble. When you’re 16 and in a band, you’ve got nothing to lose and all your friends think it’s cool and you don’t need the money. When you’re 20 and in a band and your college friends think it’s cool and the only thing that suffers is a grade or two… when you’re 25 and in a band you’re maybe thinking it’s not going anywhere and that it’s time to get a real job… and your friends at work say “oh really? That’s neat.” but if you stick with it a little bit longer… well, when I was 29 and in a band I gave up a great-paying job for the dream. Now I’m 39 and in a band and it’s arguably successful in as much as many small-businesses are successful – I make a Living and pay my bills. It’s a constant struggle but we’re good and have a following, get booked and get awards… but there’s less time to change course if that’s what we’re going to do. Less resource, inclination and ability to actuate a backup plan. If I was single I might not bring up the fact that I’m a musician right from the get-go. It’s not quite as cool as it is when you’re younger and women run screaming AWAY rather than TOWARD.
I’m lucky in that respect.
But you know what? I’m all in. I can’t remember how to do anything else. Even the visual arts that I started off with have greatly lost their savour. I know I’ve got friends from art school who have a level of contempt for that, but few of them are surviving. The practicalities of the world are certainly one of those things that you can’t just ignore. Eventually it catches up to you. Eventually you burn your Life lines.
I’m determined to be a subversive WINNER – no matter what it looks like from the outside. I’m all in, but sometimes it’s hard to keep my head up. I can be bitter and arrogant – and the ego makes the bitterness even fiercer as I struggle.
A couple of months ago we were contacted by a political activist organization called Fairvote.org who said that a member of their board, Krist Novelselic, was going to be in town briefly and he was hoping he could play some accordion while he was in town. They were looking to rent one for him. Kristen recognized the name… Krist was the bass player for Nirvana and I must admit we got a little fanboy / fangirl about it. Of course we’d do the rental, but we’d Love it if he could come and pick it up himself – we’d Love to meet him. Eventually this expanded to us letting him borrow it for a Fairvote.org fundraiser. I suggested the new business in town that’s going to be hosting my latest open mic, Republic…. And things slowly rolled from there.
Well, the fundraiser happened last Sunday night and it was probably a HUGE thing for Republic. They’ve gotten press in Rolling Stone and on Pitchfork and the video of Krist performing Lorde’s “Royals” has gone viral. Republic donated 5% of their proceeds for the night to Fairvote and that’s probably not a bad hunk of change. But I was mortified. The sound was … problematic. Everything was kind of slapdash. The other bands were great but I was watching an old idol of mine struggle with interesting mic choices, poor speaker placement – poor organization…
But he took it in stride, didn’t get grumpy. Was very gracious. It was very cool to encounter him. He’s larger than Life, towering over everyone else in the room. I wonder what it’s like to still truly only be famous for something you did twenty years ago. He’s using his powers for good though. Fairvote’s a good cause. Probably one of the only ones worth fighting for nowadays because until we actually have a fair voting system, well… how do you change a system without becoming part of it?
That’s neither here nor there. I’m getting bitter. He’s maintained optimism. The next day two members of the Paul Simon / Sting tour wandered in to check out the store. Again, they were just wonderfully optimistic, charming, excited.
It’s too easy to get jaded in this job. Of course – it’s a lot easier to have that kind of optimism when you’ve played / are playing to crowds of a hundred thousand people, have a steady paycheck, have a home that’s all yours and not carved out of someone else’s Life…
I started writing this a couple of days ago and have lost the thread of what I was saying far too many times. I better just finish it off and post it. I get too distracted some nights.
