It’s 4am and there’s a lot of things completely out of my control right now. I can’t MAKE people see reason. I can’t kill COVID with a wish. I can’t make the birds outside my window be quiet. I can’t go back and NOT screw up an awful lot during last night’s Live from the Lair.
I CAN make checklists and make sure I’m more methodical about things, especially as I become more and more overwhelmed by the sheer technical specificity of the world around me. I CAN take the time to create a branding page of some sort on ilyAIMY.com since I’m tired of seeing people just make shit up rather than, I don’t know, copy and paste the band name. I CAN get a decent night’s slee – oh, wait… take that one off the list.
I hate all the little self-improvement memes floating around online. I don’t have enough breath left in my body to just lean back and accept the things that I CAN change, and I don’t have enough anger to be properly enraged about the things that I CAN’T. So maybe I’ll get angry about the stuff that I can effect and that’ll give me some energy to get stuff done, even if it means I’m not just a knife through water leaving no sign of my passage, inoffensive and not causing too much bother.
I’m tired of being exhausted.
I’m exhausted by my anger.
I get angry when I’m tired.