Today is September 11th, and though we’re off into the rain to play a gig in the Inner Harbor amongst fighter jets (flyover’s canceled) and ships (most sailing is canceled), military bands (not canceled) and across from an Explosive Ordinance Disposal Tent (no clue if anything THERE will be canceled) all of this, in my mind, is overshadowed by the date… and how strange it is to play 9/11.
It’s by no means our first gig to fall on 9/11, but with the context of Fleet Week in Baltimore, I’m perhaps wishing I had JUST the RIGHT setlist for us. Which I don’t.
It’s the 21st anniversary of 9/11. That means for people in college right now it’s every bit as real… or NOT real… as the Vietnam War was for me. It loomed over many things in a way that I didn’t understand and was part of a previous generation, scarring them in a way that was strange and unknowable and the subject of bad jokes from unsympathetic teenagers.
The rains are strong and steady, but lighter than they were this morning. I have no concern that we’ll get rained out. Vague concern we could get flooded out. It’s the right weather for the date, unfortunate weather for the day.
I was filled with fear that day – but sort of a strange, vicarious, excited fear – the kind that comes from knowing that Things Are Changing. With a Life of relative priviledge and fortune, especially at that time, I wasn’t in fear for my Life. The smoke from the Pentagon was on the horizon but barring a follow up nuclear strike of some sort it’s not like someone was about to bomb Herndon VA. But it was a reminder that we Live in delicately-balanced times. The realization that without a landline in the house (we’d recently eliminated ours) I had no way of contacting my parents, no way of reaching ANYONE, because for the first time the cellphones were simply jammed.
And for months afterwards, as we recovered from our collective shock, I had a vague optimism. We hadn’t simply lashed out randomly in response to this attack. We didn’t use it as an exc- oh. Of course then we did. And my black and brown friends were yelled at in the streets. And my Arab and Muslim friends received glares and threats at best. And we returned to form.
I do not understand our culture. The culture of hate and division and tribalism and reprisal. And I’m not about to point a finger and say MAGA culture or Republican Culture or American Culture or Western Culture… it just seems like what we do as humans. Hate and division and tribalism and reprisal has been around a LOT longer than MAGA or Republican or American or Western Cultures. But much like I expect certain petty behaviours out of children and naively expect adults to grow out of such things, or at least to rise above them, thinking my species has the capacity to grow out of thinking in the short term and to grow past out-of-sight-out-of-mind doesn’t look like it’s in ANY danger of happening.
Ha. And the world responds. Strangely, not having a perfect setlist for 9/11 worked out. Before heading to the gig, we went to a ceremony at a local American Legion Lodge in which Sharif was being honoured as the Officer of the Year in Baltimore City. We didn’t realize how much more there was to this event and it was like attending a friend’s church, watching others for when to sit and when to stand, trying to keep still and not knowing when to clap vs when silence is appropriate. Fortunately our observations and reflexes never steered us wrong and much of the program (which ran another hour longer than any of us were expecting) was given over to honouring soldiers lost in war and a remembrance of 9/11.
Strangely, it was exactly what we all needed – and JUST as the stress of the long-running program was beginning to outpace the surprisingly… RIGHT… spirit of the solemn event, I received a text informing us that the evening’s show was canceled. Suddenly we had all the time in the world. We stood and sat and listened to others sing and watched them salute for a while longer, watched some Lithuanian folk dance to a song I would’ve SWORN was being played at double-speed, and then stepped out into the suddenly clear (ironic since our gig had just been canceled for rain) but awfully humid Baltimore air.
All 6 of us together in one place with nothing to do? We went back to our house, ordered Chinese, watched weird YouTube videos, told stories, fell asleep, woke up, watched a vampire movie and went our separate ways – and frankly it was even better than playing the gig.
It was probably the most… “right” feeling 9/11 I’ve experienced in a long time. And I’m very, very grateful for it.
