It’s been a day. And not a particularly good one. It’s been a week. And that week’s been similar to this day, though there’s been high points and low points and everything in-between. There was the beautiful moment when Marc Evans came out to the Takoma Spark, and that was a Lovely lift. Standing there in Takoma Park and seeing his tall frame at the door. I don’t feel like I get a lot of those SURPRISE moments that are coupled with a really BIG friend who can give you that huge, swept-up kinda hug. That was definitely a high point.
Of course, then there was that low “point” that actually was a pretty vast dip of half an hour or so, loading out from El Golfo with a mariachi band nipping at my heels. Stress and sweat. Culminating in that moment of relaxation in the car as it’s all DONE only to look at my steering wheel, realizing that I’d left my lights on.
Sinking stomach, I turn the car key, and nothing…
It’s not fear, it’s not panic… I’ve got friends around, I’ve got jumper cables, it’s not even the wretched feeling that there might be something REALLY wrong with my car that’s going to cost me lots of money… no, it’s a weird feeling of BETRAYAL.
A high point, being greatly appreciated at the Focus meeting (a big financial bonus even, flattery coupled with money, never a bad combination) – a low point, realizing I’d forgotten a show and frantically getting information onto a website – only to have the event canceled the moment the work was complete – and another high point with birthday celebrations spearheaded by my wife – or another lowpoint, unwarranted – a weird moment of transparency with Juels Bland in the parking lot and letting him know that yeah, my birthday’s been great but it’s the exact kind of sugar rush high (literally and figuratively) that’s probably going to leave me deeply depressed within the hour.
I was right.
Highs like Brooke coming over and recording whistle. Lows like computer glitches threatening the recordings. Numerous blue-screen crashes that I still haven’t figured out. Hell, this Journal entry comes courtesy of a complete computer freeze… website issues, email issues, I’ve finally hired an outside expert because I just – I just don’t know enough.
I want the world to be simple. And the world is bloody-mindedly refusing to comply. Indeed – it’s mind-numbingly, soul-achingly complicated – and on top of it’s unfathomable complexity there are small-minded people who take it personally, and evil-minded people who MAKE it personal.
I was talking to Chuck the Madd Ox this morning on the phone. And he’s right. So very right. I need a vacation. I’m burning out.