It’s a misty, cold / warm / hot mess of a Friday. Helping my mother get to a out-patient surgery appointment to have screws removed from her wrist. Neither of us are morning people, and getting from Baltimore to Lanham at 7am is PAIN. I’ve been dreading this, went to bed early and tried to switch my sleep schedule so I don’t do anything absurd on the drive down (like fall asleep or hallucinate, cause that’s my standard state betwixt the hours of 5.45 and 7.45am). I got up, drove down, got to my mom’s house early, got her to the appointment, checked in… sitting for an hour or so, chatting with other people about growing up here in PG County…
And my mom’s doctor just came out to tell me that …. the screws in my mom’s wrist are proprietary – aaaand they’ve got the wrong screwdrivers. They’re on the phone to find out if they can get the right drivers, or if we’ve got to reschedule, or if they want to try the “universal screw extractor”. The doctor seemed kind of dubious about the “universal screw extractor”. There was a lot of “see if it’s possible” “it irritates some people’s bones” … well, you not having the right screwdriver for a surgical procedure is irritating ME.
Oh my god – how do you even approach someone and say “we have this device, but it might irritate your mother’s BONES”?!
Like, you should have the decency to look really, really embarrassed when you come out and tell me that. I was mortified to realize I’d brought an identical-looking but slightly-different power cable to a small gig that powered a light. I was embarrased. And that simply meant that we were a little more lit on one side. It didn’t effect our performance. Much less a fucking scheduled surgery. You should be standing here with a little round hat, twiddling it nervously, unable to fucking meet my eyes, as opposed to implying this is just… one of those things that happens.
They’ve been hunting for the screwdriver set for half an hour now.
But I’m having a great conversation with Alejandro out here after his phone bleeped like my phone bleeped and we got to talking as we both whipped out our Samsungs. We both grew up here in PG County, and he’s talking about how traveling around the country made him appreciate how unique growing up here was… which is how I think about it too. He’s like “I mean, look at us – we grew up on the same block [this is an exageration] and I’m Latino and you’re white and everyone else here is black – the rest of the country ain’t like this”. Heh, it’s kind of a funny conversation to have with someone you don’t know, but it’s not too dissimilar from what I think about a lot. The television was playing “In the Heat of the Night” right now so I guess race is top of mind. And I’m rereading Harry Potter. Let’s not discuss Winky and J.K. Rowling’s ham-fisted attempt at addressing slavery.
I remember my childhood, and the racial mix of it, in a particular way… and as I get exposed to the rest of the world I wonder if it’s a false memory or if I remember that right or not, especially as I’ve seen old friends and family’s views … change? Evolve? Get exposed? Or were they always this way?
PG County remains PG County – and it’s amazing to me how negative it’s perception is from the outside. I mean, there was shit to it. But I think it was honestly a really good way to grow up. And the area is a little cleaner, but a little trashier in other places. The traffic is worse. It still makes me believe that integration of cultures is possible. And important.
In any case, as I sit in this little outpatient surgery centre, I have plenty to think about with the bullshit daytime court television. The facility was probably initially designed as an office space. Heh. Maybe that explains the lack of screwdrivers. The whole privatized health care system, and the strangeness of passing the “urgent care” facilities that look like (and sometimes definitely ARE) remodeled Taco Bells or old banks or whatever. In a world where corporate cost-cutting is really, really needed on the medical expense front, I GUESS it’s good to know these spaces don’t get wasted, that as a restaurant fails a collective of doctors are ready to swoop in and make use of industrial water and electrical fittings.
Hours pass, Alejandro collects his grandfather and they accept the next patient past my mom who apparently got the “right” screws and I sit here in a packed room with daytime court TV, which will undermine any possibility of optimism I have for my species. We really are base creatures.
Just exhausted. Have been waiting for over 5 hours now, listening to conversations, driving to get prescriptions, waiting for screwdrivers.
Thinking about the “government shut down” looming, about procrastination and attention spans. Rowan was talking about how he’s got a crush coming on at work because everyone waits till the last second. The government is waiting till the last second. I’m stressed out with stuff I let wait till the last second and it’ll continue to stress me out because the time I thought I’d have today has been chewed up and spat out by a doctor waiting till the last second to check what screwdriver he needed.
My parents tried hard to get me to do my homework in advance. Don’t wait till the last second on school projects or applications or the science fair. I learned how to balance my time and to optimize my activity. What homework I could do on the bus vs what I needed more time on… how much time it took when other people where involved… when that was worth it, when it wasn’t.
I wonder if I’d have developed a different work ethic if my parents had appealed to a different part of me … not the fear… not the “you better do it now or it won’t get done” but maybe some other part of my spirit. Because the rest of my species? We procrastinate and wait till the last minute and in every level from credit card fees to climate change we happily pay the price and complain and pay the price again, never changing.
I foolishly read the news. Trump and indictments and those who stand behind him screaming it’s just politically motivated assault… well … yeah, actually. Not that I don’t believe he’s guilty of all the fraudulent, hateful, spiteful, greedy things he’s been accused of. It’s just that it’s something he’s been doing his entire Life and it only matters now that his frauds have hurt people in power. As long as he was just screwing employees, clients, contractors and renters no one cared.
Well, a guy walked past the window with a screwdriver set. I’m SURE they’re fancier, more advanced screwdrivers than they appear to be, but they should spare some of that expense on a fancy case, cause it sure LOOKS like something they could’ve picked up at Home Depot. The idea that there’s a really good reason that these aren’t just fucking standardized, presumably so doctors are locked into a system and they can be more expensive and… well… all the problems with commercialized, privatized, for-profit healthcare.
We’re off to Canada in another week or so and I’ll try not to think about THAT.