July 22nd, 2024. Just a sadness.

Coming home to my Life. I take out the trash and as I put on the lid, I see what was important for my brother to purchase while he was staying at our house. Childhood favourite donuts, a Lego set, and a Zombie model rocket. I cannot fault any of these choices.

Coming back to the United States, there are many things I’ve missed, and certainly some things I can fault. I definitely missed OUR toilet paper, and ice cubes, and air conditioning – but it was great not to have massive trucks, and there were no billboards on the highways SCREAMING, and our “candy wall” does NOT compare.

It’s been a great week. Coming back to the United States and playing lots of shows, seeing a lot of music, having a fantastic open mic night and having a wonderful party with friends. It’s been a great return.

I wish I could shut off the world though. Kristen and I had consumed ENOUGH media and just sat quietly, the YouTube default home screen sitting up on the television. And it told me about some things I should be scared about and worried about and angry about. And I’m TRYING to tune it out, but it’s like an addiction. I turn that off and turn to my phone and I turn that off and my brain churns it all up over and over again.

I’ve had friends go through an Unpluggening, and that sounds fantastic. But how do you do that when the only way to get people to shows is Instagram and Facebook and … I’d been good about not ingesting the poisons there. Telling me, as above, what I should fear, worry about, and be angry about. I know it effects my mental health. It reminds me I don’t look like I should and I’m not as young as I should be and my relationships are trash. It reminds me I don’t have the things I should have in the home I should have. Hell, it even tries to make me jealous of other people’s cats.

Also, our local Tivoli isn’t an amazing theme park, it’s a small suburban outpost that looks like all other suburban outposts)

And so – don’t worry about me if I vanish. If I figure out a way to shut it all off without losing my profession, I need to do that. Because I’m losing a lot more by listening.

(and, just to play devil’s advocate – mayhaps I SHOULD fear, worry about, be angry about everything that’s whirling around my head – and maybe I SHOULD feel this isolated, sad, hopeless and alone – but there sure aren’t better CATS)