Kristen here: I know this is an odd entry for the ilyAIMY journal – and quite a long one – but after the dust settled on this process for me, I wanted to make the story & information accessible online for those in a similar situation who may be seeking guidance and info. I would have loved to find a detailed account like this when I was starting this process, so I hope it will be helpful to others.
Most of us will eventually deal with the overwhelming process of transitioning an aging parent out of their home to a new situation. For me, this occurred with both of my [divorced] parents in their early 80s with two different situations, over a span of just a few months, and locations hundreds of miles away. I enlisted the help of the Caring Transitions company for both of them, and wanted to detail this experience for others who may find it helpful. The short version is, this service was a lifesaver! There are significant costs involved, but the help eased the burden for our family in major ways.
Some background on the situations:
Dad and his wife had been living in Georgia since 2018; they’d moved there to be close to her family and had a custom, accessible house built. They did not do much downsizing before that move, and brought almost everything with them. His wife passed away this past spring. He decided he didn’t want to stay there, and was open to moving to some kind of senior living near me. I started looking at communities and we debated Independent vs. Assisted living, as he has some complex health issues. We picked a community that has both, with the idea that he can transfer to Assisted later if he needs it. Incidentally, for help in this process I contacted Oasis Senior Advisors – a free service for families with divisions around the country that helps you find the right community or services. My advisor was extremely helpful and I’m glad to have had that assistance, as this is an overwhelming process too.
Mom’s situation was considerably simpler. She had been living in a large 1-bedroom unit at a small retirement community in Connecticut for the past 16 years. She eventually wanted more support services, and found a place in New Jersey that would meet her needs. She worked on downsizing for some months (while she was on the waiting list) and made good progress on her own, and with my sister and I. She opted for a furnished studio room at the new community so that we didn’t even have to hire professional movers for what little she was bringing with her. But we still had to deal with the furniture and belongings she was leaving behind. And that process had to occur just as we signed Dad’s lease and got his move in progress. Help was needed!
I found Caring Transitions early on in the process of making plans for Dad. I knew it was not going to be feasible for my sister and I to deal with everything needed to get him transitioned, 600 miles away, out of a house very much full of stuff. I googled estate sale companies in his area, and Caring Transitions was one of the first and only results. Their estate auctions are done through ctbids.com – which a lot of people buy from, but may not know the whole background of the company.
I discovered they are a national “senior move” company with lots of franchises in various areas. They not only do estate sales & cleanouts, but can also assist with every aspect of the move – including initial downsizing, space planning to determine what items will fit in the new space, packing, arranging the actual move transport, and resettlement in the new location. I breathed a sigh of relief as that was exactly what we needed – though I definitely held my breath about what the potential cost would be.
I contacted their Augusta GA division, and received a response fairly quickly from the division owner, Caren. We had an initial phone call where she explained what they do, and that the first step would be a free home consultation – so we set that up. After walking through the home and chatting with my dad, she drew up an estimate that outlined flat-rate costs for space planning, packing labor/materials, move transport, liquidation services (preparing the online estate auction), and cleanout (donation/disposal of unsold items – basically emptying the house to prepare it for sale). They also provided a quote for “resettlement services” – having their division near me handle all the unpacking & setting up at the new place. But at $70/hr – and an estimate of “several days” to do this, I decided that we could handle that part ourselves.
The cost was indeed significant – but after getting a better handle on my dad’s finances as part of this whole process, I knew he could afford it and the help would be invaluable. The move transport costs were a very wide estimate and could not be more specific until they had a clearer idea of time frame and the general load size. Also, the moving companies they contract with apparently “bid” on moves, and that can depend on gas costs at the time and whether they can share a load with a larger truck on the same route. The move costs ended up being towards the higher end of the estimate – but at that point it was “let’s just get this done and have them handle it.” I could have potentially shopped other moving companies, but the whole point of this was to save me the time and effort.
A very positive aspect of the cost was that after paying a $500 retainer fee, all other costs except for the move transport would be deducted from the proceeds of the estate sale. It’s impossible to estimate how much the auction would make, but that was a comfort knowing that there wouldn’t be a huge out-of-pocket cost.
I found out later that each CT franchise may do this differently with different terms – but the Augusta division’s commission on the estate auction was 35%. That seemed reasonable as some initial research told me that 40% or even more can be typical. Rather than a traditional on-site auction where buyers walk through the home over a couple of days, CT does online auctions only. They say this reaches a bigger pool of bidders – and they will ship items to non-local buyers. Local buyers come to the house on a specified day to pick up their items.
I read some online reviews of CT (not just this specific division). Most seemed to be positive, but the negative ones mostly focused on the estate sale not making as much money as hoped, and some people had to pay fees that weren’t covered by the proceeds. I tempered my expectations for this as I know that estate sales are really about the convenience of having someone else deal with a house full of stuff, rather than burdening family members with trying to sell items piecemeal and/or putting things in storage. Also, people tend to think their items are worth more than what someone will actually pay for them.
So, we paid a deposit on services for Dad – although there was a delay of several months where we waited to commit to an apartment at the community until he felt he would be ready to put this all in motion. This window ended up being only about a month because they wouldn’t hold a unit for longer than that – and it all started RIGHT after my mom completed her move. Needless to say, it was an overwhelming time where I basically put my life on hold for over 2 months to first help mom with move preparations, and then manage everything with dad’s transition – including assuming Power of Attorney, switching banks and everything that involves for a person who doesn’t do any online account management.
Mom’s estate auction & cleanout happened in the interim after we committed to dad’s apartment but were waiting to move him. She looked into both her local division of Caring Transitions as well as another company, but quickly decided to go with CT. Rather than flat fees, they quoted her an hourly rate for the auction prep and cleanout, and a 40% commission. Again, this is a franchised company so each division may do things differently. Both divisions recommended that the estate sale be done after the resident moves out, which definitely makes sense – it’s a disruptive process that would be hard to do with the person living there. It does involve putting a fair amount of trust in the company, giving them access to the home with no oversight. But we felt pretty comfortable based on our discussions.
Mom’s auction ran for a week and we could keep an eye on it online. Every item started at $0 with $1 bid increments. We noticed there were a few items that didn’t appear in the auction at all – like a sofa and recliner we thought were in relatively good condition. But we figured their people probably knew what was likely to sell, and what should just be marked for donation/disposal. Also, only smaller items were made available to be shipped – but we figured that made sense. Despite managing our expectations in advance, we were disappointed that items like a midcentury desk in good condition (that would probably sell at a vintage store for a few hundred dollars) got a bid of only $1 – but it may have been limited by the local pool of buyers who were looking at the time. The items that got the most bids were a collection of vintage Fisher Price toys, an old KitchenAid mixer, and an antique charm bracelet! The auction did not gross very much, but it covered the majority of the associated fees. Mom was very happy to have everything taken care of for her, without burdening us. CT completed the cleanout and then mom had her regular cleaning lady do a final cleaning before her lease ended.
Now back to Dad: once we had a move-in date confirmed at the new community, Caring Transitions scheduled their packing process to begin about a week before that. The movers would pick up at the end of the week, and deliver in Maryland a couple days later. I decided to fly Dad up 2 days after the move delivery, to give us time to get the apartment a little more unpacked. Caren had already met with Dad once for some initial “space planning” – identifying the furniture & larger pieces he wanted to keep, and working with the apartment floor plan to determine what would fit where.
We then had an unexpected snag with the community after finalizing the lease that I won’t go into details about, but resulted in Dad suddenly ending up with a 2-bedroom apartment instead of a 1-bedroom. I contacted Caren about the change so she could adjust her floor plan. I sent her a lot of emails in the couple weeks following with questions or instructions about particular items (especially after I got access to the new apartment and could look at what it had and didn’t have), and she was always very responsive and accommodating. Dad had a health setback shortly before the packing process was to begin and I was worried about him being able to get through it – but Caren assured me they would work at his pace and not to worry.
The packing process seemed to go smoothly. Caren and her team completed the majority of the packing in only two days, and planned to come back the day the movers were picking up to finalize the last bits. She even helped him pack his personal luggage for the flight.
On the receiving end when his goods arrived, there were a fair number of household items that didn’t get included, some of which we had discussed in advance. However, these were all items that could be purchased again. Some items also arrived that Dad felt he had no need for, such as a large collection of Christmas ornaments. But considering the fact that he was not able to start this process on his own in advance, or participate in every moment of the packing, overall I do not fault CT for these things. I can only imagine how huge the process is to pare down and pack up an entire household of things for an elderly person in poor health – I’m just glad I didn’t have to do it myself! CT also shipped several boxes of items to Dad after the auction was over, which apparently didn’t make it onto the moving truck.
The movers they selected were a locally-based company who generally do short-distance moves, but Caren works with them frequently and thought they were the best people for the job. We were pleased with the move-in process – it was just the company owner and one assistant, but they moved everything in within a couple hours (placing furniture according to the prepared floor plan), and no damage was noted. CT had packed everything very carefully in sturdy boxes. BTW, I gave almost all the moving boxes away immediately to someone in my Buy Nothing group who was in need!
Dad’s estate auction was delayed almost a week due to additional time needed to organize & photograph some of the more specialty items. We were not in a rush to get the house on the market, so Caren was in touch with our realtor to keep her posted on their schedule. His auction had almost 300 lots, so it was a much larger sale than my mother’s. This branch of CT also made all of the items shippable, even the large furniture pieces – whereas with my mother’s auction, they would only ship small items. Only about 10 of the lots went unsold, which I was pleased about.
After the auction closed, we didn’t hear much for awhile (other than they completed the cleanout and then the realtor started her process), but we also knew CT had another project immediately following. Caren eventually shared some rough figures with us and said she would probably end up sending a small final check after everything was accounted for. About a month after the auction, we finally got that.
It caused me a lot of anxiety to put my dad and his move entirely in Caring Transitions’ hands, but they really lived up to the “Caring” part of their name. It felt like a full-time job for me managing everything at my end with a lot of unexpected things coming up, and I felt supported and like I was part of a team making sure dad was taken care of. I’m honestly not sure how I would have done it without their help. Dad came to see Caren as a trusted friend through this process. I feel it was absolutely worth the cost. And luckily, both mom and dad were pretty accepting of parting with most of their possessions and having someone else handle everything. But with the big unknown of how much an estate sale will make, if you’re considering this I would advise making sure you can afford the fees regardless of the auction outcome.
And now for those fees – you probably want to know what you’re in for! Everyone’s mileage will vary (especially with differing rates for each franchise), and as you’ll see below, the scale was very different for each parent. Dad had far more items overall, and more items with collectible value than Mom did. Quite a lot of his items were shipped to buyers, and Caren did some promotional work advertising the auction to her regular client list and in various facebook groups. It’s worth asking your CT rep what they do to maximize the auction outcome.
Mom (services were just estate sale & cleanout):
– Auction prep @ $35/hr – $140
– Cleanout – labor @ $70/hr – $770
(Total fees: $910)
– Auction gross: $651.39
(Less 40% commission -260.56)
Net to client: $390.83
Mom ended up paying $480.83 out of pocket overall.
Dad (full range of services including packing, the move itself, estate sale & cleanout). Dad’s auction figures were a little more complicated, but this is close to it:
– Space planning: included
– Packing labor & materials: $1,872
– Auction prep/administration: $2,340
– Cleanout: $500
– Move Transport: $5,650 (~600 mile move)
(Total fees: $4,712 + move transport = $10,362)
– Auction gross: $6,715.51
(less 35% commission – $2,350.42)
– Net to client: $4,365.09
After some misc. other accounting, Dad received a check for $57.09. Subtracting that from his $500 retainer deposit, overall he paid about $442.91 out of pocket for CT’s services, plus the move transport costs.
I would offer two pieces of advice for adult children (or parents) finding themselves in this situation, or starting to think about this:
- Try to have some discussions proactively with your parents before the need arises or you’re suddenly in a crisis. Find out what their wishes are and their expectations of you. It’s a well-known trend now that adult children generally don’t want the majority of items their parents accumulated over a lifetime and value/adore – those china sets and hutches, figurines, scads of photo albums, kitchens full of stuff you already have…the list goes on and on. It can get emotional for both parties when those perspectives differ. Talk about it, but respect each other’s feelings. Identifying some donation avenues for regular/proactive downsizing can be helpful and make you feel good about getting rid of things (I love my local Buy Nothing group, where you can gift things to real people in your neighborhood who can use them. My mom also got rid of a lot of things this way). Think about some “what if” scenarios, as difficult as this might be. Dad and I had some vague discussions when his wife was ailing about both of them going into assisted living or even nursing homes together – but we never talked about what he would want if she passed first. Get your legal house in order with POAs, wills, etc – meet with an elder law/estate professional if needed. This can save a lot of headaches down the road. The cost of assisted living & nursing care is astronomical, and if you haven’t planned for it, can be terrifying. There are options with trusts and protecting assets that can be beneficial if thought of well in advance.
- If you decide to go with a company like Caring Transitions or an estate sale in general, you may want to identify some of the most valuable items, and find other ways to sell those at a higher price. You won’t have any say in what items sell for at an estate sale managed by another company. Dad had a couple of antiques dealers come to the house and buy a fair number of items before CT started their work. He also sold a lot of his collectibles on eBay during the months preceding the move. I’m pretty sure those strategies netted him more money on some things than if they had ended up in the estate sale. Overall, you have to think about whether the convenience of having someone else handle everything for you outweighs the financial aspect.
And I guess my final thought is: these things are difficult and overwhelming, both for parents and children. There ARE good resources to help, and you are not alone. I’m happy to say that both parents are glad they made their moves to places with more support (both logistical & social), and really don’t miss any of their “stuff” they left behind. It’s a difficult process to go through, but hopefully will be worth it in the end.
