My brain is full. ASCAP and nightmares. Severed heads whispering and laughing and leering and biting. I woke up at around 5am this morning with the feeling of teeth all over me in the dark, confused and unsure of where and even who I was. My room was lit solely by the pale reds of the LEDs of hard drives and audio adapters… my fan was roaring and it was pushing my sheet into me like fingers prodding and I don’t REMEMBER the last time I was so afraid of the dark.
DeJohn Jocelyn Faro
I’m aware that I’m a creature of weird little quibbling fears, but I feel I can overcome most of them in my everyday Life – but stupid things leave me with my pulse pounding – they always have and I think they always will. People can argue for immersion therapy but I think I’d literally kill or be killed if someone tried to immerse me in cave crickets and darkness.
Slowly my brain wrapped around the reality – the tick of the clock, the shapes of shadows around me – nothing was dead and groping, nothing was half-dead and reaching, nothing was mouthing half-heard words with lips dripping away from malformed jaws. I don’t remember anything clearly, but there were dull glows and tiny, misshapen heads and walls of limbs and parts.
The temperature is climbing to 105 today. It’ll be triple digits all week and much of the county where I grew up will lose water for an unnumbered couple of days as a water main is replaced… my mom Lives just north of the outage, but I have plenty of old, old friends who will be effected. I fear for our infrastructure almost as much as I fear whatever was in my dreams last night and I get more nervous about the bridges I cross and the tunnels I go through. I wonder how long our outdated electrical grid will handle what we demand of it and just a couple of weeks ago our own water main spouted like a dying whale and exploded all over our sidewalk.
Hee! Brennan and Tori brought Cora out to Teavolve last week and she seemed to enjoy the night! She even danced to Baliset! Girl’s got good taste!
I sometimes wonder if aging is naturally coupled with a slow creeping cynicism. I worry I’m getting angrier and seeing less hope in the world, and yet when I try to view things subjectively I DO believe we Live under less threat and in more prosperity than we did 30 years ago. I grew up simply KNOWING we’d eventually push the button and that nuclear Armageddon was inevitable. The constant strife in the middle east claimed many more Lives than it does today. People talk about how today America’s in decline, still the most powerful nation in the world but with slowly growing competition from China and India and other markets around the world – but I remember a world where the United States’ power was truly RIVALED by a cold war opponent that at one point had us watching our neighbours and fearing government surveillance far more dangerous and insidious than even the constant monitoring we have today…
The United States engages in drone strikes now where before it toppled regimes with assassination attempts and operatives on the ground – the United States secretly watches their people, but their surveillance is NOTHING compared to the amount of information we volunteer to Amazon and Google… Monsanto does NOT have your best interest in mind perhaps, but in the past the U.S. has just randomly TRIED chemical agents on soldiers and enemy combatants… the world is pretty shitty, but the battles were fighting – for morality, for our souls – are generally nothing new. And we’re jaded to it. Activism is dead. Or maybe whistleblowing nerds are the new peacenik hippies.
I’m just a musician. How do I put THIS into a song? I’m not complex enough to reflect this complexity.
