So Heather wrote a song that said everything that I tried to say to one of her exes once… and everything I’ve tried to say to my wife… and an awful lot of what I’ve tried to say to myself over the years. Her tune “If We Came Too Late” is hitting me hard right now.
It’s the disadvantage of engineering. There’s no hiding. You’re trying to make sure every single word pops and so you’ve got to listen over and over again and stew and cry and ruminate – and when it’s a song the hits home like this, there’s no evading it.
The philosophy that the journey IS the destination works pretty well for a long time, and then you start reaching a part of your career where you sort of feel like you’re beginning to arrive, and your hair is all grey and your belly’s slack and you’re TIRED. I mean I’m so fucking TIRED some days. And I’m as good as I’ve ever been. Better. But I don’t look it. I’ve got bags under my eyes and I’m ANGRIER than I’ve ever been because it all just builds up and the backs of peoples’ heads in bars are even less sympathetic than they were when I was young and so very, very stupid.
I’m sorry I met Kristen so late – whether it’s because I’m sorry my Dad never got to meet her, or because it means she came late to the adventure and I worry there’s no new story to tell – or Hell, because I’m just NOT 20 anymore… or 30… and I worry that I stole the prime years of my bandmates’ Lives and replaced them with struggle and failed dreams…
And this year is shaping up to be STRONG, and next year even stronger. And the last two years have seen our best writing, our best playing – we’re truly monsters – but people look at us and see grey and lines. And we look back and shake our heads at the perversity of the universe as youth is wasted on the young.
And Heather said that all pretty damn well with a rhythm that I’m nodding along to as I ride the fader fighting phase and imperfections – because she said it so well, I better not lose it to the mix.
1 thought on “Heather Knows.”
See I think people look at you and see fire and passion and fucking amazing talent pouring right off the stage, whether it’s duo, trio, or full band. You never judge people by “how they look”…. “we”(those of us you really give a shit about, you see) don’t judge you that way either. Bring on the lines and gray….just keep creating music and art and community! As for Kristen and new stories, well, your fierce love for her is a new story every single day….never worry when it started…you both HAVE IT now!
Aging is hard…it’s just hard…..I can talk more about that another time…maybe….
I think I will go look at some more Journal entries…even though I should be packing!
ilyaimy……..