Lying awake, listening to the rain SHOULD be a delicious luxury. I have no place to be tomorrow till our show and the sound is a precious NON mechanical white noise caressing and soothing and drawing me to sleep…Except my brain won’t shut off.
The band following us from an upcoming show has made noises about how they want to make sure they get to the show ahead of us to get all their gear on the stage and the sound engineer said this in such a way that makes me slightly concerned about space, but these things get worked out. And the other band’s front of house engineer has contacted me and asked to have a phone call so we can discuss his act’s production, which also shouldn’t be a problem, these things get worked out… And additionally it certainly shouldn’t be MY problem.
However, my brain won’t shut down. I keep cycling on what kind of conversation it’s going to be. If it’s someone just offering a drum share or if it’s some one calling to complain that I’m going to be in their way in some way. And I hate phone calls. Why this couldn’t have been in the email in which he requests a phone call I have no idea.
And so I have a 10am phone call, which I can’t stop thinking about. And that should be fine except now that’s less than 7 hours away because I can’t stop thinking about the phone call.I hate my brain. It’d be great to explain to someone that “no, how about we DON’T schedule a call because that’s going to stress me the Hell out about you just ask in the email? Or just pick up the phone and call? And then leave an informative voice message that I can respond to?” Why introduce additional modes of communication at all? But, that sounds like crazy talk. So… Fine. No sleep tonight. No lying here enjoying the sound of the rain. No rest for the cycling mind. I can feel my Life ticking by waiting for a damned phone call.
The rain comes down heavier and I think about how much I Love it… But maybe I should be careful saying such things. Can’t let things go? I CAN unless it’s ADHD. Like the rain more than sunshine? Probably at least Seasonal Affective Disorder or at worst depression. Can’t sleep? There’s pills for that. Sigh. I probably COULD have a doctor’s note telling people that I find phone calls stressful and that they should communicate with me in other ways, and my Instagram feed insists others should respect however I communicate best, but that feels kind of like giving in. But it’s well past 3.30am and giving in has a great deal of appeal.
