I apologize that I’ve got nothing uplifting to write about. Christmas Eve dawned with snow on the ground and that brought joy unto me as only snow can, but the day before I’d been undermined.
I try to avoid vaguebooking, but unfortunately, I don’t have any way of avoiding it in this case outside of … well… undermining others the way they’ve undermined me. Which isn’t the way forward.
Yeah. That moment when you come to realize that someone you’ve known for quite a while is absolutely capable of looking you straight in the eye and lying. Unconvincingly, but perhaps that’s even worse. With such contempt that they don’t even care and have the audacity to be indignant about being called on it. It does more than undermine our trust. It undermines my word that I’ve stood up for this person. It undermines my faith in my own capacity to be a good judge of character. It calls into question every time I think I made a good choice about someone. It reminds me that I do not understand alcohol, or chemical addiction – and beyond that – I don’t recognize it when it’s presented it to me – or at least I don’t have FAITH in my ability to recognize it.
There was an apology the next day, but the ramifications of the action are growing and unfolding and slowly becoming more and more apparent.
Or I’m jumping the gun and this is a single lapse and trust will be rebuilt and we’ll get through it.
But my ability to judge whether or not I SHOULD do that has also, absolutely and viciously… been undermined.