ilyĀIMY

Hello, my name is: Third School in Three Years.
Shuffled around where there’s money to spare.
New list of classes, new list of names.
So much that’s different, so much the same.

When did I begin studying all the latches – Could I open them
if my hands were shaking? That one painted shut …
Cataloging all the places a child might fit.
Five doors to the exit. Thirty feet to the ground.
One flight to the roof. Better up? Better down?
Decide in advance, if you’re stuck on the staircase.
How much time could I buy them if I ran out waving?

I hate it –
The space it takes up in my mind,
when I signed up to raise
the caliber
of minds.

So much time drilling all of the calculations
I hope they never know all my preparations,
how I quiz myself daily,
that they think it’s just lessons,
textbooks from Texas, Civil War, Smith and Wesson,
ancient history, irrelevant mathematics.
So ashamed to have been monkeys – so willing to be statistics.
Keep them safe while I get them the basics:
Reading, Writing, ‘Rithmetic and Shelter in Place.

I hate it –
The space it takes up in my mind,
when I signed up to raise
the caliber of their minds.
Caliber:
the measurement of character
or the barrel of a gun.
Isn’t language fun?
And the ones who are listening,
they think I know everything.

I’ll make no hollow points here,
don’t know what laws we should be passing,
don’t need no degree from Princeton
for what to do about our children.
The trigger end’s a person, hurt and scared and sad,
who could’ve been taught to talk or run or sing when they’re mad.
Who needed comfort, a teacher, a parent.
a breath, a moment, before
there’s no coming back…

I’d rather hold you than your bullet,
And so would everybody here.
And if they don’t, I’ll try to teach them
how to love instead of fear.
I’d rather hold you than your bullet.
You can take up this space in my mind.
‘Cause I signed up to raise
the caliber of lives.
Caliber:
the measurement of character
or the barrel of a gun.
isn’t language fun?
and the ones who are listening,
they think they know everything.

Originally written for the “monkey” songwriting contest Heather participated in for several years, “Caliber” is a look at the more disquieting thoughts Heather had as a teacher at the start of every school year. Written in response to the prompt, “Back to School,” which also required a specific education institution name, what you like/hate about returning to school, the words quiz, school, class, teacher and book, and extra points for “monkey.”

© 2018 Heather Aubrey Lloyd