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Just a quick update… and then maybe some D&D.

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(Written as Hobbstadt Lynn, 4th level urban ranger)

Well, for 15 years I was used to having to write a report at the end of every shift. I just can’t quite get out of the habit.

Session 0

Madness. A week of madness.

Eight days ago I rushed into my apartment, grabbed
everything I could, threw it in my sack and ran out the door. I knew they’d be
watching THAT place soon and, at a loss for what to do next – well – I must
admit I did what I always do. But I went to a DIFFERENT bar! No-one can call ME
a “creature of habit”!

Well, with my purse weighing heavy with my entire Life
savings and a pile of gear shoved under the table, I was sure hoping nothing
was coming to find me – and yet something always does! Not what I was expecting
of course.

I’d already filled up and was thinking about where I was
going to spend the night when a bard came in. Can’t stand music. Can’t stand
musicians. But before you could say “Hobb’s a bastard” a man came around
filling the tankards for free and I thought “Hell, what’s one more?!”

And then everything went sideways. That singer was telling
the tale of some fiery worm, a great dragon – and a knight that came and tried
to slay him? It gets muddled in my head. Maybe it was the drink or maybe he was
THAT GOOD but suddenly there was a dragon right there in the room throwing fire
every which where, baking the knight into the ground and singeing the inn.

I’m not proud. I slumped right under the table and didn’t
come to for a good couple of minutes.

Still – beat almost everyone else to ten shut and up.

As I shook it off there were only a couple of other figures
that what my old sergeant would’ve called “ambulalalalatory” – up and about is
what I mean – and they were wild-eyed, looking for the dragon or the bard – the
bartender had scarpered too. One thick-necked fellow who… well… I’m not saying
he was Elvish but there was something pointy about the ears and slanty about
the eyes, you know? Well he was already looking out the window, scanning around
and there was this other man who… well… he looked kind of dazed but not from
the drink. Still, when we started looking out the window he looked too.

My old friends from the watch were running riot control or
maybe just running riot outside and I think we ALL came to the separate
conclusion that they were coming for US. Guilty conscience all around? Don’t
know. I think if we’d had a quick conversation about it we’d all have thought “oh,
they’re coming for YOU? Well, that’s alright then!” But we didn’t talk about it
– instead Thick-Neck made a short but impassioned case that what we saw was
magic but we knew it wasn’t OUR magic, right? So the cops were gonna probably
ask questions of anyone left standing – and they were probably gonna BLAME
anyone who was still standing and not 100% human.

It took me about 15 seconds to think over my former
co-workers and reach the same conclusion.

15 seconds after THAT, Thick-Neck was huffing it down the
stairs with an elf over his shoulder. I nabbed the other obvious elf in the
house and threw her over MY shoulder and before we knew it we were in the
cellar with that dizzy-looking guy locking the door behind us.

I guess I’m sure glad I was already packed! We got through a
quick “hi my name is” whip round before we heard something down here in the
basement with us. I don’t think we’d even planned to stop for that, just look
for a back door and a quick exit but there’s just SOMETHING about long, narrow
staircases that inspire you to get to know the person next to you! I guess the “hello,
how do you do’s” woke up the elf I was toting and so it was that with a muzzy
head and an aching shoulder I met Ayan. I think I must’ve caught her head on the
door jam on the way down cause she kept saying her name different : “I’m Aye
Anne” “er… Ian” “I mean Eye inn”. And then there was Herman, the spacey one who
I know for a FACT didn’t hit his head on anything – he was just that way, you
know? And then Thick-Neck turned out to be Akar from that shipping family who’s
got that fancy boat that JUST came in. The one that makes the stupid joke about
their name? Over and over? I don’t normally pay attention much to the boats,
but I was worried it was bringing in another shipment from Harrtlund and that
all my hard work was about to be turned RIGHT around – plus that stupid joke
DOES stick in your head, so I guess it’s good advertising after all.

OH – and then there was this monkey. I’m not sure what the
monkey’s story was. It followed us right down the stairs like it knew where it
was going but everyone was all “not MY monkey” and in any case we soon had
other fauna to deal with.

ROIGHT.

Bottom of the stairs: barrels check, pumps check, back door
check! Start heading for the back door when a creature out of some storybook
comes leaping out of the shadows! And I say “leaping” but I never saw anything
move so fast! I mean that literally! It moved so fast I didn’t see it move!
Head like an ugly, ugly man and eight legs like a spider. I don’t know that I
even thought twice before we were all laying into it. I mean – I don’t remember
who hit first but it sure didn’t look like it was just there to show us the way
out.

I’d say I held my own, but I sure didn’t. Still fuzzy from
that beer I guess. I poked the monster a couple of times but Thickneck and Ayan
really did most of the work. Herman did a lot of standing around and staring in
that creepy way of his and then he’d like scoot around and chant a bit – Ayan almost
got plugged then and there, got bit sure as Hells, and she was bleeding first
red and then some sort of thick green goo that didn’t smell like it was
supposed to have ANYTHING to do with a Living body.

Once we’d toasted the spider thing (and I DO MEAN TOASTED!
Before Ayan slipped out of consciousness from that thing’s venom she was
shooting LIGHTNING out of her fingertips – I’d never seen anything like it!) –
once we’d beaten that thing into a pulp we made for the back door as quick as
we could. We almost started “discussing” our situation when we heard the watch
pounding on the door. On the one hand I knew it was only a matter of time
before they’d “brave the dragon” and check in on a roomful of unconscious
citizens – and I’d really hoped they’d take some time relieving them of
anything weighing them down before helping them back to their feet – but I
guess we WERE kind of making a ruckus.

With Ayan BACK over my shoulder and Akar toting that other
elf along, we piled out into the alley. That monkey was picking little
somethings off that dead spider thing and popping’em into it’s mouth right up
till I went to slam the door, when it decided to come with and scamper out.

1

Well, Ayan was in bad shape and I think we’d figured that
the other elf had been drugged, cause they don’t take drunk like you or me, so
I raced us all across town to an apothecary I know to see if he could help.
Venoms and potions and bad beer – that’s GOT to be in their bailiwick, right?

Pounding on the door got us some quick attention, pounding
some gold into the man’s hand got us some quick service and before you knew it
we’d bought ourselves a quick trip to the graveyard.

I don’t mean metaphorically – the druggist DID come through –
but he needed some moss that only grows in graveyards. Herman and Akar and I
ran to the city necropolis, hopped the fence (well, me and Akar hopped, Herman
went up but seemed to not entirely be ready to come back down… he’s getting to
freak me out a little, to be honest) and found the moss. Easy as pie but as we
made our way back out I could’ve sworn SOMETHING was following. There we were
in a church yard but when something was howling and they sounded like THEY were
in a CHURCH. I turned around, sure I was going to have to face some big-headed
dogs and nearly dropped my rapier cause that damned monkey was standing behind
me.

We eyeballed one another and I tried not to lose track of
the little monster as I made it back over the fence. It made eye contact with
me and stepped between the bars. I asked Akar and Herman about it. “Not my
monkey” was the unanimous reply. I don’t feel that this subject is settled.

The apothecary did well by us. Within the hour we had two
conscious elves, and though Ayan was far from mended, she WAS on her feet. The
other elf, Feena, turned out to be a member of the crew of the SS Melly, in
port to trade [fish? Did she tell us it was a fishing vessel at first?] and
headed back to her people as I rounded US up and out to a flophouse I knew down
the street.

Safe, sound, exhausted – or at least safe and sound ENOUGH
that we figured we’d wake up again – we bedded down for the night. Even the
monkey. Maybe one of our famous Arashan Rats will eat it before breakfast.

IT is NOW that I realize that actually this has all been
already written up! BAH!

0, 1, 2 (from the DM,
Jon)

While enjoying a casual drink in The White Pony, a bard came
in and began an exceptionally vivid tale of St. George and the Dragon.
Suddenly, nearly everyone who had shared in a drink on the house was put into a
mysterious sleep. Finding that some of the party members did not fall victim to
his spell, the bard fled via a teleportation spell, and his bartender
accomplice fled as well.

The police arrived in time to see what was reportedly a
green dragon flying away from the inn. The party, meanwhile, wishing to avoid
explaining a room full of knocked out bar patrons, fled through the cellar, but
not before grabbing a well-dressed elf from among the patrons. After defeating
a phase spider who was pulled into the material plane due to the powerful
teleportation spell cast moments ago, the party was able to avoid the detection
of the police and stay in a safe house until morning, when they began an
investigation into the events of the night before.

They revived the elf with the help of a local apothecary and
discovered that she was the captain of a ship, the S. S. Mellie, which was
docked in the harbor. The party also caught wind of a meeting that she was to
have with “Mr. Green,” the head of the thieves guild.

However, the party’s discovery that she may have been
transporting some magical goods led them to search for those who might be
interested in robbing the ship of its cargo. They came to hear of a mysterious
organization, the Sapphire Order, who may have a headquarters on the east side
of the river.

With some good investigation, the party located the
headquarters and found it apparently abandoned — but not entirely! They were
attacked by a pair of giant octopuses in the basement and narrowly escaped with
their lives.

Their adventure continues …

3

The rats didn’t eat the monkey. A week later and nothing ate
the monkey. We get attacked by giant octopuses. Octopi? Octstopids? THEY don’t
eat the monkey. STILL, no-one takes credit for the monkey, but I sure think it’s
got something to do with Herman. They just LOOK at each other a lot and I’m not
sure if I want to know more about their relationship but… I kind of want to
know more about their relationship.

Well, after a narrow escape from cephalopod infestation in the
basement, we figure we’ve probably still got time to check through the house. I
think I’m just in cop mode – you know? You look hard enough and SOMETHING is
gonna be a clue! I think Akar was kind of jealous of Ayan’s ring and Herman –
well, you just can’t tell with Herman. Maybe the monkey was whispering “seaaaarch
the hoooouse Hermaaan” – but like, in monkey?

 So we set Ayan on the
door and seeeearch the hoooooouse.

Sapphire Order alright. Maybe everything we’ve heard is
true. There sure seems to be enough books and in my experience, that much
literary aspiration all in one place NEVER adds up to “law-abiding citizen”. We
found secret passages and of course the octopuses – yep – the Sapphire Order is
more than just a pleasant blue robe or two. Herman showed me some woodcuts that
might make me try that “vegetarian option” the nobs have been on about.

No more corpses – but as we moved up through the house we
saw increasing signs of recent habitation. From the layout of the place it
looks like the old Sapphire Order may have been set up to take some quiet notes
on visitors without said visitors noticing AND to maybe quietly feed said
visitors to the party in the basement once they’ve said all they’re gonna say.

And by “party” I mean the octo … octopusseses. Both octopus
a and octopus b.

That’s when the neighbours started getting nosy. Later it
turned out that “the neighbours” were Mr. Green’s men (and woman) but we didn’t
find THAT out till they’d come racing up the stairs flinging spells and
crossbow bolts and waving a giant hammer around.

Don’t attack the highground, kids. We put them down hard
along with the wannabe wizard that came floating out of the attic.

We tried pumping them for information, but somehow that’s
always a lot easier with a bunch of trained cops working together. Ayan batted
her eyelashes and had one of them eating out of her hand, Herman dug through
the books and Akar did that thick neck glower thing of his. Myself, I dragged
the wizard downstairs and sort of tried to do a one man “ginger beer
interrogation” but with octo – threat of intimate cephalopod incursion. I at
least manage to confirm that out of the four of them, the wizard is the most
feckless, and probably the most harmless. I don’t know what Herman did to him
(turns out all that staring is like how Herman does MAGIC) but that wizard
swears he can’t see even when I wave my sun rod in his face.

By the end of the night we have :

Some ill-gotten gains and proooobably the eternal enmity of
the biggest crime boss in town. I’m not sure that this was time well-spent, but
Herman seems really happy with the book he found, Akar got a nice cloak and
swapped it to Ayan for that smelly ring. Hey, even I’M 10 gp ahead of where I
was this morning and I guess we’re bonding over continued acts of violence. But
are we any wiser?

Still, these people ARE associated with the underbelly of
SHIT in this town, so maybe it’s time I was let of the leash for a sec. If I’d
had Thug E, Thug F and Bard G all in a cell somewhere, ginger beer or no, Mr.
Green would’ve had them out on the street tomorrow morning at the latest. This
way at least they’ve got some bruises and I get a new chain mail shirt. Still,
this is the shit UNDER the street. I wish we could take the fight to the shit
that WALKS the street.

Notes :

• It’s not the octospusses but the tentacles, so I
  don’t need to worry about how to pluralize the former, just how to chop off the
  latter.
• I think Ayan is convinced that Mr Green is a
  dragon. I’m less-convinced of this. For future reference, Ayan should probably
  NOT be left to her own devices for the purposes of interrogation. She’s got the
  skills but not the definite articles and in hindsight, what with the way that
  bard was looking at Ayan, she’d have said whatever she asked her to say.
• In the spirit of the above note – what I MEAN to
  say is that “she” meaning “the bard” would’ve said whatever “she” meaning “Ayan”
  told her (the bard) to say.
• Also in the spirit of the above note, and for
  the sake of clarity, when I “waved my sunrod in his face” this was a completely
  literal statement.
• I’ve been trying to think of a good “big headed
  dogs barkskin is worse than its bite” joke, but think this is probably not worth
  continuing to pick at. Unlike the bark skin itself. I DO keep picking at that
  and I know it’s supposed to wear off, but I don’t know if I’m like, supposed to
  WEAR it off and scratch at it, or if it kind of falls of and makes a mess (am I
  going to be shaking bark chunks out of my drawers for days?) or just fades
  away. After seeing the phase spider melt away I’m worried that there will be
  goo. I hate goo almost as much as I hate tentacles.
• Knowing where a mostly-useless blind wizard is
  has GOT to come in handy, as well as the knowledge of where to find (and how to
  access) two bloody huge octopuss’. Octo… see above. Tentacle factories. If
  nothing else, I bet that new Sudmoorian tavern would pay good money for them.
• If the monkey won’t go away and it’s nobody’s
  monkey, I need to think of a name for my new monkey.