Kristen called me as I was driving to my mom’s. She’d just gotten the call from her sister. Her mother, Shirley, died today. For all that we’ve both been having trouble with my mom and Kristen’s Dad, Kristen’s mom has always been solid. Long walks, frog catching, exploring castles. It’s a shock to lose her.
She had a long Life. Older than my mother. Most of that time seemed to be spent studying the world around her and using those studies to help others. Children’s programs when she was younger, church programs as she aged. Kristen’s analytical side clearly comes from her mother. She was a planner. She cut her sandwiches precisely. She read carefully.
She was very hard of hearing. I felt bad that I had a particularly hard time talking to her. Probably the tone of voice and the moustache got in the way of good lip-reading, but we’re both kinda physical clowns and we could make each other laugh that way. Kristen carries on with many of her mother’s exaggerated expressions and I see a LOT of her mother in her.
Yeah, Shirley carries on.
We would stay with her at her place in Glastonbury, CT – she’d go to bed much earlier and we’d come back from gigs late, but she’d take her hearing aids out and there was no worries that we’d wake her up. I was generally first up in the morning and I’d find her reading in the morning sun and I made sure she saw me so I didn’t startle her with my creepin’ around.
She didn’t drink coffee but she made sure there was some in the house for us. She knew where to get GOOD ice cream and always made sure she had bagels in the house for Kristen. She knew about the orange soda we Loved.
Just about 7 months ago Kristen helped her move to a new Christian Science community in New Jersey. Beautiful spot with a community of her own beliefs. They called Kristen’s sister yesterday and told her that Shirley had died surrounded by her community who prayed over her.
For the moment we just need some quiet. I came home. It rained. David and Juels and Clifton took care of my open mic. Rowan and Heather have offered to take care of the Lair. My mom was understanding that I couldn’t come over and fix her computer and then revealed it had fixed itself. We talked and went through photos and ordered pizza. I helped the neighbour and we watched a movie. I’m sure there will be confusion and chaos. I remember from the myriad deaths in my Life: America forbids the mourning of a Loved one be the worst part of the experience of death. There’s paperwork and proof and money.
You stand in the quiet in the middle of the Journey, and realize Shirley’s hiked you into the middle of a swamp, and you’ve got a long way to go to get back to the car. It’s still a good Journey, and we’ll find our way, but she knew who all the birds and frogs and trees were.
Goodnight Shirley. You did good.
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