Thank goodness for the slow days. I got to lay in till panic woke me fully, but it’s a nothing panic. Realizing I’d left a Kit Kat in Heather’s car. Let her know before it melts. My brain isn’t stringing things together well at all right now and the Kit Kat is just the latest aberration. Last night, climbing out of Heather’s car, I knew I was forgetting. I even reached into the little compartment where the candy lay, but my fingers expected my glasses, they didn’t recognize the chocolate. It somehow wasn’t what I was expecting and so it triggered the wrong memory. The memory of nothing forgotten after all.
I feel like I’ve been making more mistakes like that. Absolute lapses of memory. Not connecting one thing to the other. The feeling of running out of RAM, of being at absolute capacity. Inserting one thing into my brain means losing another. Remembering who to contact about a booking forces the chorus of Friday out of my head. Remembering the lyrics forces the Kit Kat out of my head. Waking up in a panic about the Kit Kat, remembering chocolate, forces my mom’s medication out of my mind.
I need bigger lists, better organization, a smarter TOC in my head.
It’s like realizing you kept all the raw audio for a billion shows except that meant you didn’t have space for the one you really wanted. I have dozens of Dark Horse shows but somehow deleted the audio for Kristen playing on Yellowstone Lake. Stupid choices being made, trying to make the best use of a suddenly finite resource – the hard drives, my mind, the time.
And so maybe I’m triply glad of a slow day. Grey and rainy with storms passed and storms promised. Kristen lies on the Living room floor with the cat. We can afford to sit still for a bit. Not too much longer, but for a little bit at least.
**note to self – the AI-generated SEO info is getting silly. I need to shut that off!!!**
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